Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dignity is for republicans.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
