Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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