The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
