i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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