The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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