My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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