the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
