I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
