happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
