I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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