I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
only if we run a train.
done.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
