I cut my penus on the lid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize