oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A+ Viking dick
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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