I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
