hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
