So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
