I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
