we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize