i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
