walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
