So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
