highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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