just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
