my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
