Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
