Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
