Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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