Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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