In the future we'll all be gay
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
