where am i from again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
