so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
