Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
