You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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