I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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