Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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