So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
