I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
