why didn't you poke me back
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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