Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
