So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We need to get me chipped asap
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
