I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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