I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The power of my boobs compel you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
