It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
