I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
