Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
