I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
