Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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