then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
