i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
