i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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