Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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