you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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