I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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