I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
