this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
