She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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