You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
