We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
