i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
