he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
